you know what new show is pretty good? the big c. i have always liked laura linney, and the casting for it is pretty fantastic. the dude that plays her romantic interest is one gorgeous hunk of man. i've always loved black guys with english accents, and this one is a looker. anyway, the premise of the show is about a woman who has a soon to be fatal case of melanoma, and she is living out the last year of her life without telling her family about it, just trying to get the most out of the life that she has left, while figuring out what the point of it all. it's not fantastic, the writing could be a little less trite, but it has an organic feel, not gimmicky like it could have been. ok, something that is nice but sucks at the same time. this very cute guy asked me out on a date 2 weeks ago. we messaged back and forth a few times, he called me the night before to confirm, but then in the morning he says he is sick. so i figured he probably had a girlfriend that unexpectedly got off of work or something. but he messages me later, promises he is REALLY sick, and wants to make the date for the next weekend. so he texts me everyday until the upcoming weekend. he had been missing work because he is still sick, but he is sure he will be fine by the weekend. friday he goes into the hospital. and i cant even figure out what is wrong with the guy, we dont have enough of a common language for him to explain it to me. so at this point im thinking maybe i should block his calls for the sake of my health. but he seems pretty sweet, so when he asked for one more chance i said okay. then he asked if we could meet this saturday, of course its the first saturday in ages i cant get out for even a few hours. cock blocked by my new coworkers and they arent even here yet. i dont think i am going to be able to see him, because my psyche cant handle much more. i have had to feel the anticipation of a first date multiple times now, and still without payoff. it turns out the giddy part of the giddy-nervous feeling kind of wears off after a while. now i just feel like its too much trouble. its a shame too. good lookin guy with great hair, a blue collar worker with just enough english skill to make everything just a little bit funnier i.e. more awkward. sigh. maybe i can figure out how to give it one more shot. he drives a taxi, maybe i can just stand out on the sidewalk until he passes by. thats how a girl finds a nice guy, stands out on the street corner, right? good, thats what i thought.
another thing i love. frozen coke zero. im eating half of a 1.25 liter like every day. crunchy, sweet, and not fattening, and cold enough to lower my body temperature and let me work without the fan for a few minutes. i hate fans. not as much as i hate air conditioners, but i hate air blowing on me. part of it is because if it is in my face it dries out my contacts (HATE car aircon for just that reason), and also because it disturbs my peace. just now i crunched on enough frozen soda to feel a chill, so i switched off the fan. now i can hear the crickets and the wooden wind chimes outside of my window. i know the sounds of howling dogs will cover all that up soon, but its nice for a few minutes at least. hm, i wonder if it is bad for my teeth?
alright, i am going to watch episode 8 of the big c while i eat the rest of my coke zero and text this guy that has a sickness that i hope is not an std to try to set up a date in the not too distant future. man, he just needs to wait a little longer. after all this time out here i am finally going to have TIME to date. all this and now i probably wont meet a guy for ages. well, theres always that street corner...
thanks for ur honesty. that is a bittersweet post.
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